Best GazettE song EVER. Note the curses "BULL S***!" and "SUCK MY D***!" screamed into the song... OH, and let's not forget the "Commit suicide in with-it-ness before me, bravely." xD I <3 their emoness.

Hmm. Well today wasn't half bad, if I do say so myself. It started out very rough--the time change screwed with my sleeping habits in that I could not sleep on the bus. It's like some reverse-vampire rule of my body's: "When the sun's up, YOU'RE up, whether you like it or not." I would have draped my jacket over my head but the majority of the bus riders are african american and probably wouldn't have taken kindly to seeing some weird, pissy white girl wearing a huge hood over her head.

Oh, and then Mr. Darte decided to throw one huge-ass wrench into the gears by adding yet another variable for us to solve for. Now all our problems look like this: 3x-5y-1920003z=-0.443, 2x+56y+z=20350459, and last but not least, x+yXz=4.5... Hell, doing one problem takes up half a page! Some of the kids in my class tired to reason with him that this homework assignment was most certainly not "Eco-Friendly/Green" and that he wasn't setting a very good example for us to follow by making us waste all those poor trees. He didn't fall for it. Damn.

Latin was...interesting. Mrs. Wooddall brought her husband's genuine World Poker Tour poker chips, valued at $600, to school for us to use as a method of grading each other. If we help our group with translation, we hand the group leader one chip. We each get four, and if we have any left at the end of class, we get points taken away from our grade. Luckily I'm in a very casual group that doesn't give a damn as long as the translations are correct, so we all handed Taylor (our Regina, or Queen) our chips as soon as we started working on the assignment. I busied myself with making little mosaics with the chips while voicing my opinion on proper declensions and correcting Francisco's extremely random translations. Francisco is my...special...little...後輩. (Kohai, or Junior Student) he has hedge-hog hair. <3 Absolutely adorableness! xD i just want to pet his head everytime I see him. He tolerates these humilating moods fairly well, methinks.

Moving on.

I went into full mothering-mode with Shelby today. The poor dear had issues all day; she nearly missed her bus, had to sit by her bratty stepbrother on the bus, dropped all the papers from her folder in the hallway (I was there for that, actually, and helped her get her stuff together to avoid a meltdown), and was also fairly annoyed by Jimmy's attitude regarding our lunch seating (he wanted to sit outside in the dreary dampness, wheras she and I wanted to stay inside.) And to top it all off, her mother forgot to give her lunch money, so she could only afford a sandwich--no milk. Poor thing... WELL, I decided to ignore her command to not buy her anything and went and got her a large bottle of chocolate milk and two cookies. She cursed me out once I'd dropped the yummies onto her plate, but then she grinned and hugged me. (Shelby never gives hugs, so this was monumental!) Unfortunately...I was sitting on my foot, like always, you see, and this random hug caused me to lose my balance...and I fell to the floor in a highly uncoordinated heap. >.>" But it was fun! I <3 her.

And then... OH, in a quiz in Chemistry, I only missed 4 problems out of 25! I wasn't expecting that... at ALL. And Ven, the super-smart Vietnamese kid next to me, missed 9!!! Wh00tness... ^^

And then psychology was awsome as always. She finally scanned our baby pictures into the computer and put them in this big slideshow, and we all had to guess who was who. Ironic, isn't it, that everyone thought I was a boy in mine? >.< Mrs. Hall knew who it was, and she said "Look, she's holding one of those magnetic toys..." and the entire class went--IN UNISON--"That's a GIRL?!" TT.TT
Okay, so I was a butch little thing. I made mudpies. I played with earthworms and slugs and stuff. So what?! I was still a GIRL. >.<

But it was a nice day. Dad even decided to let me have my phone ALL day today, which was an unexpected surprise... I got to talk to Joey a little more! ^^ Well, I'm hungry now... (didn't eat dinner.) I burned off my after-school snack by giving Ginger a 2-mile walk, followed by an around-the-block-walk with Hank, who tore my arms up again with his constant yanking in all directions. *winces* Ach, my poor arm...

Ily ALL!

--emily

Yepyep, faithful readers, your faithful writer has not been so faithful as of late... ごめなさい。Mea culpa.

I've been attempting a video blog for the past few nights, and fun as they are...well...I have difficulty talking. Writing always came easier for me for some reason. So yes, I will post a video blog every night or so for the remainder of my punishment for bad algebra grades. Once I've served my time, I will return to xanga! Promise.

Oh, in a rather interesting development, both my parents found out about Joey. Lori "knew all along" and dad said he knew but we all know he didn't and says that to sound like a knowing parent. Lori probably told him. And--shocker--they're both fine with him. Didn't see that coming, did you? I didn't either. But I'm not complaining... I just hope they--more specifically DAD--doesn't use Joey as leverage. That's one of the fears that kept me from telling them in the first place. But dad just gave me a warning for now ("People can pretend to be people they're not when online, be careful.") and Lori supported me because her daughter's been through that.

Hmm. Nothing much has happened in my life other than that...

I have a rough-draft for a possible manga sitting on my scanner, but I'm too lazy to hook it up to my compy and scan the thing. ^^"

lalalalalaaaaaa.......la.......LA.

YARGH.

Oh. I experimented with dime-store smut the other day. It was a bit of a surprise for Nicci, who enjoys those sort of things and, after reading it, volunteered enthusiastically to help me develop the rest of the story. I was like "Um...who said it was even going to be a story?" While writing it, I felt extremely awkward. The two characters didn't even really do anything but kiss (EPIC SMUT PHAIL! xD) and I kept coming up blank. Lack of experience, and I'm quite comfortable and proud to admit so.

And no, Joey, it won't be posted here. :P lol

I've actually contemplated getting a second xanga profile just for stories. God knows I have over 30 Word2007 documents on my computer, all drafts just waiting to be beta'd by my literarily gifted friends (*cough*LINNI-SAMA/BLAKIE-CHAN*cough*) whom, UNFORTUNATELY, are busy with school and/or their [possible] boyfriend[s.]

Why the hell have I picked up so many projects all the sudden? The manga, the smut-that-really-isn't-a-project-because-I-have-no-intention-of-continuing-it, the written story I'm working on, and the two or three typed ones I'm working on as well... Not to mention the various commissions my classmates have asked for me, and a few sewing repairs on my bathrobe and purse-of-nearly-four-years. Oh, AND I'm re-reading all the books on my Classics shelf (Jane Eyre, Wuthering Heights, Dracula, Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, etc...) Blame the boredom of having no computer until 8pm. TT.TT

Oh. You know what? I identify with Jane Eyre. Not because of her past, but because of her personality. She hates receiving lavish gifts, she's very shy, she has some artistic talent, she's headstrong, and she's had a shaky love life. She's also very mothering towards Adele... And she finds beauty in strange things. Yush, I like Ms. Eyre...

I should go now. Bye, readers!

--emily

ahhh, blasting my japanese rock is an amazing stress reliever. ^^

actually, though, there isn't alot of stress in my system right now. It's weird, I know. Normally I'm all like "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! I FORGOT TO DO SOMETHING FOR SCHOOL/THERE'S A HUGE TEST/etc, etc...." But the only stress in my system right now is about Alex, the guy-buddy from the JROTC tent during the craft festival. Yes, he's been nothing but very kind to me, and funny, and whatnot else... but he confessed to me the other night. As in he has feelings for me.

Alex is nothing but a FRIEND. I've never thought of him as anything else...and he knows it. He said he was okay with it, but tried guilt-tripping me into liking him back. Sound odd and maybe a little desperate? It was. And it ticked me off because I had my hands tied--I couldn't tell him I had a long distance relationship going on because I had a feeling he'd be one of the guys to say "he won't know if he's so far away!"

But he seriously tried guilt-tripping me into going out with him! Saying he "hates his life right now" and was "crying, not to make me feel bad or anything" and that he's "been hurt before, so it's okay."

He didn't realize that I'd be so hard to guilt-trip. See... I have two puppies. You have to force yourself to become immune to those puppydog looks that make you want to empty out the entire milkbone box onto the floor as though hypnotized by a doggy-Freud.

So no, I didn't back down. I said "i'm sorry" everytime he tried. And I did feel sorry... I don't like hurting anyone, even if they are being a little assy. The only thing that kept me from tearing my eyes out of their sockets so I wouldn't have to look at Alex's futile attempts to get me to go out with him was the fact that I was also talking to Joey on webcam. And that conversation was quite interesting, as Nicci found out...

Now Alex is on my blocked list until he can straighten himself out.

Yes, I fell a little bad for taking such extreme measures... or I did until I told Shelby about the whole thing. She informed me about what happened to her last year. Alex asked her out the first day they met and when she turned him down he started stalking her--staring at her wherever she went and trying to make advances until poor Shelby was forced to take action (she got several of our burly guy buddies to act as body guards for a few days until Alex backed off.) And if that wasn't enough to convince me my "blocked" move was a good call, she also told me about his ex. There's a good chance that the girl was beaten by Alex... O.O

After learning these things, I'm no longer feeling bad for blocking him. Yes, I'll have to see him monday... He said he got me a little friendship necklace thing at the craft fair after I left--two interlocking skeleton hands--because I was a "very special friend." I felt flattered until the situation turned into a fairly creepy tangled mess of angst and hormones and violence...

Shelby said she's going to tell him to back off (she planned on doing so with or without my permission) and that she'll get violent if she needs to. Ahh, I love my little GazeGoth! <3 ^^

On a happier note, I picked up a few lovely things at the mall today; a Steampunk-ish novel called "Leviathan" by Scott Westerfeld (a mecha-ed version of WWI, so far very good!); the Epic Fries of course; A bottle of strawberry Ramune (Shelby and I cried injustice when we found out FYE stopped carrying pocky and decided to drown our sorrows in Japanese fizzies); a vanilla frappucino from Starbucks; and a new pair of earbuds since my most beloved pair yet decided to push the daisies.

After a good bit of scavenging, I found one of the most unique children's books I've ever seen: "The Invention of Hugo Cabret" by Brian Selznick. The book is extremely thick, but 75% of it is nothing but hand drawn pencil illustrations that aid in telling the story of Hugo Cabret. I highly recommend it. I can only imagine how long it must have taken for the author to finish it... Anyway, I found it. Shelby and I settled down on the floor and began munching on our smuggled Epic Fries (which I hid in my huge handmade purse--bless it!) and she listened as I read aloud. Shelby loves it when I read cuz she says I have an "audio book voice."

And then we left the bookstore to sit on the benches just outside and finish off the fries. Everytime a small children walked by with their parents, they'd give Shelby a frightened look (she was in full Tripp Gothwear) and smile timidly at me, so we both started to smile very warmly and give a little wave to the children as they came and went. The results were instant: Shelby no longer got frightened looks. The kids would smile brightly back and look almost admiringly at her tripp pants. Amazing what a difference a smile can make, isn't it?

Oh, and I took a few pictures of the Dutch books in the Dillards display (from last mall trip) with my phone. I'll be uploading them and posting them in the next blog. Promise!

--Emily

Argh. Stupid--GRADES.... I'm having a very tough time with Algebra. Chemistry is going up a bit, but then American History is dropping (to a high B) and the others are staying up as A's. Dad is now threatening my laptop until I get my grades up--he said that if my math test isn't a D or C, I can't use the computer during the week until 7:30. Okay, that would totally KILL me. Seriously. I would go into depression, not being able to talk to Joey... And I'm barely kidding.

Yes, yes, it was my own damn fault to let my grades slip a few points, I know.

But enough responsibleness, lemme be an angsty teenager for a bit:
Does dad not realize that school only gets harder? Does he realize that the last time I had straight A's was in third grade? Does he realize that I'm not as smart as Katy and can't get straight A's through high school? Does he realize that Chemistry and Algebra have gotten more intense in the MANY years he's been out of school? Does he realize that I've always had issues with math and science? ALWAYS. Katy's strong points were the maths and sciences and such; I've always been good at English and History and electives. My thought process just doesn't absorb the methods needed to solve math or chemistry problems, it really doesn't. I try as hard as I bloody can and still fail, which is frustrating enough to drive me insane! And then he blames the computer and cell phone whenever my grades drop instead of considering the fact that maybe this is an Honors Algebra and Chemistry class and maybe it's difficult.

Arrrgh...

We've always had these battles. ALWAYS. Or we have since I went to Baldwin (magnet middle school that ultimately spelled my academic doom) when the teachers got harder and the homework got heavier and the sheer stress of socializing in that setting got to be too much. Out of my eight schools (daycare and preschool counted since they did teach things) Baldwin was the worst. Not academically, of course. It was one of the best schools in town. But just the stress.... ugh. School+Parents divorce+mom moving away+Katy stopped talking to me+Barney dying (our dog)=Emily OVERLOAD! I failed out. Miserably. And was sent to the delinquent school... well, no, it wasn't really delinquent, just very very dangerous and an academic walk in the park for someone who had Magnet experience. I did come close to making straight A's in that school, but dad shouldn't use Georgia Washington as proof that I can make excellant grades in a Floridian school, you know?

And though GW was very dangerous--it was infamous for its daily fights and dangerous students (including the firecracker incident that was ironically executed by my straight A best friend Kimi's delinquent brother, not to mention the bottled piss incident in which several students threw the said liquid down the stairs in plastic containers, OR the incident where the cooking students rebelled against the teacher and smeared lasagna all over the halls)--I had alot of fun there. I recouperated. I got better and more focused, my attitude improved, and I met some of the best friends I've ever had.

And then we move to Florida, whose school system is supposed to be "better" in terms of curriculum. I suppose it is, but the economy has wreaked havoc on our school. Oh, and lets not forget the graduation requirements I'll barely meet before I graduate, if I'm lucky, due to the difference in requirements between Alabama schools and Florida ones. I'm a year behind--the only junior in most of my classes--and am feeling the stress of getting all my credits in time to graduate at all.

ANOTHER THING! Dad had apparently planned for both of his daughters to be geniuses because to my knowlege he has no college fund. We're entirely dependant on scholorships. Katy got several, of course (and I'm not jealous, I'm awed... she really is EXTREMELY intelligent! ^^) and now it's my turn. I'm more or less relying on writing/journalism and psychology and such for scholarships since my schoolwork leaves much to be desired. ARGH. I can't get stressed--I cannot get stressed! The last time I felt this sort of stress was in Baldwin which, as I previously explained, led to disaster!

I suppose this isn't just school stress, though, not if I'm being fair.

Yes. Okay. I'll admit it: I'm a bit upset about mom moving north with her new husband. YES. I AM. And this is going to make absolutely no sense, and I don't give a damn, but I'm upset because I'm not upset. She said she was getting remarried--Okay, I said, Go ahead! I'm happy for you, M'ma. You need to be happy! She said she was moving north, to Maine eventually--Ooh, M'ma, I'm so jealous! Maine is beautiful. Have fun! But doesn't this mean I probably won't see her in person until god knows when? I've been forcing myself to accept this anyway, but... Hell, I've been forcing myself to not mention her in daily conversation or think of her or anything to try and get over this damn mother complex, but I'M STILL FREAKIN' UPSET, OKAY?

And this blog is gonna be long. I just know it. I'm sorry... if you don't want to read any more, i won't be upset.

Having all of my closest friends so far away isn't helping, either. Kimi and Bethi and Gabbi and Blake and Ashley and Anna and everyone is in Alabama or somewhere else very far away. They were my freakin' strength. Yeah, i grew up in a military family and it left me with this fear of making new friends. Retarded, isn't it? But in my mind, why make friends if we're just gonna leave in a few years? When dad retired from the air force I thought 'Oh! We're staying here! I can make friends now...' and I made as many as I could and loved them all so very much... And then all the sudden we move AGAIN. The only friends I'm still very close with are Kimi, Blake, and Lin. I try to call Kimi every weekend because hot damn, WE WERE SISTERS.

And if Joey tries to blame himself for my stress cuz he's so far away, I will HURT HIM. It's different. Friends and loves are DIFFERENT. Somehow.

I can't drown myself in literature anymore, either. I try to focus on a book and I just can't.... ARGH.

I'm going to end it here.

--emily

(I use this title whenever I'm 1) out of ideas for titles, or 2) very hyper OR 3) want people to read this post. xD)

Yay! PB seemed a bit happier today. I'm so glad...
And since he's gonna read this when he gets home from school tomorrow, lemme add a quick message for him:

POLAR BEAR. STOP HARPING ON AND ON ABOUT YOUR WEIGHT! ^^" You're a teenager, your metabolism is going all wonky cuz you're almost an adult, so yes, your weight is gonna fluctuate. I'm having a similar issue, actually, and if I were to bring up the fact that I'm getting frustrated with my weight you'd be all "Nuuuuu, you're not fat! You're perfect!" so :P! it's my turn:

"NUUUU, YOU'RE NOT FAT! YOU'RE PERFECT!"

xD

Moving on. I need to work on my algebra grade. Yus yus... I have a high D in that one. Chemistry is a strong C, and I have high A's in the rest (drama, psychology, american history honors, latin 1 honors, English III honors.) Dad finally compromised with me and said that if I can get my Algebra Honors to a C and keep Chemistry Honors at a C, he'll be content. YOSH! This test in two days--has--to--be--an--epic--phwin--@--LYFE!

okay, why is that hyperlinked? O.o

I'm too lazy to change it, so deal.

Wouldn't it be hilarious if it actually led to something? Some random website or email address... Don't try and email it, loves, God only knows what poor bastard has that as an email address. A hacker?

OMG, Joey got a hacker! Who...talked to me? It was...odd. A very sarcastic hacker. I kept thinking it was Joey, and I'm still not too sure it wasn't...sorry, Joey, if it really wasn't you. He just sounded like you, type-wise. But aren't hackers supposed to be all calm, cool, stoic, and deadly? Like Neo! Cuz Neo was one badass hacker. But this hacker said 'lol,' which, as I pointed out to Joey, was not hackerish! Not hackerish at all!

Joey pointed out that alot of people use 'lol' and that this wasn't the matrix.
I cleverly responded "But how do you know it isn't?"

xD

I have to go in a few minutes, my lovelies.

CRAP, JUST LOOKED AT THE CLOCK I GOTTA GO NOW BYEEEEEEEEEE! <3 <3 <3

Love you, PB!
--emily

Okay, in the last post I didn't exactly mean that the old-fashioned style of war was better in terms of the death toll (no duh, it wasn't) I merely meant that in those kinds of wars you knew immediately when the battle was over and who had won. In the Iraqi war...well, yes, the death toll isn't anywhere near as large as the ones from yesteryear, but it just seems to drag on and on...

NOW THAT THAT'S CLEARED UP, lemme mention how much I totally adore my dog Hank.

(yes, i took all of these pictures during my photography phase)

Yes, Hank can be a huge pain in the butt most of the time (about 96% of the time, actually) but there are those rare moments when I appreciate his stubbornness and overprotectivness.

Like the occasional times I have to walk him at night and I can't see two feet in front of me due to night blindness. Hank seems to sense my hesitation and thus makes extra sure to walk somewhat slower. Of course, he also goes insane whenever we encounter an unfortunate night-jogger or possum or armadillo due to his innate ability to find a threat in each and every object and/or being we pass.

Seriously, Hank, darling... I highly doubt a streetlamp poses any threat to my safety. Thanks anyway, though.

xD

Today was one of those appreciated days.

See, there are these two arrogant little boys (who can't be more than a year younger than me but who don't attend my school) who love to ride around on their bikes talking at the top of their lungs and making smartass remarks about everyone they pass, including me whenever I walk the dogs. I know it's not exactly hard to piss me off, but I could care less if they insult me. Insult my dogs, my children... now that's another story. They always say "Cuuuute puppy" in a really sarcastic tone whenever they pass me, and I know I can't do anything when I'm walking Ginger, but with Hank... [insert evil laugh here]

Today, when those idiots rode past and interjected their usual "cute puppy" remark, I called back to them.

"Yeah, 'cute puppy' will bite your hand off."

And they laughed and circled back on their bikes to start something. Up until now I had been holding Hank back, the leash wrapped tightly around my hand and allowing no more than half a foot of slack. Hank was tensed, ready for his chance.

When the main dude rode by fairly close, I allowed the leash to loosen for a foot or two of slack, and Hank instantly shot forward and snarled, panting and barking at the top of his lungs (his tail was wagging, but I doubt they noted this.) The lead guy yelped and shot back, and they rode off at top speed, cursing me out at the top of their lungs.

I reigned Hank back in and kneeled, kissed his head, and gave him a hug and an ear-flop.

(Which wasn't the best reaction because he then decided it was alright to go back to defending me against street lamps >.<)

Honestly, I love Hank. I raised him from his shelter-puppy days. Back when he was a waddly little podge-ball of black fuzz with stubby legs and tiny ears and huge eyes. Nowadays he's all legs and muscle (still fairly short--on four legs he reaches my knees) but he's always protecting me against possible threats.

Good doggy. <3

--Emily